Setting the bar low

I've never really been one for making realistic resolutions. There's the perennial favorite-- "I will not burn the roof of my mouth"-- that I usually break during a cup of hot cocoa a few days after the new year. As a child I often resolved that that was the year I was to become affianced, nevermind the fact that I was more than a decade away from the age of consent, or to overcome my fear of the movie The Witches.*

So this year I'm going to make resolutions that require minimal effort so that at this time next year I can triumphantly trumpet that 2008 was a year of wild success.

• I will not vomit. I've already gone half a decade sans upchuck so this one's no sweat.
• I will say no less than 300 words daily. If I'm ever short on my daily quota I will simply recite the Bill of Rights aloud until a quarter of the way through the Sixth Amendment.
• In fact, I will, at all times, be either talking or not talking. I could talk or not talk forever.
  
• I will increase my Spanish vocabulary beyond the phrases "salida de emergencia", "salida de mi casa, hombre sucio" and "platos frijos" by at least two more phrases. I'm hoping to learn how to say "Stop that dilly-dallying, old chap!" and "I'll be persnickety-friggered."
• I will increase in age by exactly one year by this time next year. This resolution might seem moot but in order to keep it I shall have to avoid mortal peril, which is no small feat when I live as dangerously as I do.
• I will subsist on nothing but food and beverage.

Now I have no choice to keep these resolutions since I've chosen to make them public. Please feel free to comment with your resolutions so you can also enjoy public ridicule should you break them.

*Ha! As if this could ever happen in a million years