Lessons learned at a wedding.

1. When you are the date of a bridesmaid and are not related to anyone there, it's probably going to make for an interesting night. Just accept that right at the beginning.

2. Being seated at the kids table as a 23-year-old single woman does not make you the coolest person in the room.

3. When complimenting an 8-year-old's fashion boots at your shared dinner table, be prepared for her to respond with a terse "yah".

4. Google map directions in addition to the wedding invitation directions.

5. For baby g's sake, put your dress on before you leave for the wedding. Putting your dress on in the church parking lot during the ceremony is not considered "ladylike".

6. If you're going to try to sneak in the back of the church after the wedding procession has gone by, do not wear loud, clackety high heels.

7. When relatives on both sides of the wedding don't really know who you are, be prepared to be stared at.

8. If you need to dip into the bathroom to let a few tears slide down your cheeks out of the sheer awkwardness of not knowing anyone at a wedding, try not to burst in to the bathroom while the bride and 3 bridesmaids are in there fussing over her dress.

9. If you opt to go to the upstairs bathroom on a vacant floor instead, try not to stay in there too long because the maid will probably come in with her rolling cleaning lady cart.

10. When you are standing against a wall during the dance waiting for someone to come talk to you, probably on one is going to come talk to you. You've just got to buck up and go get your groove on.

11. Befriend the slightly duche-y but ultimately golden-hearted groomsmen and ushers that are old college buddies of the groom. You're going to need friends by the end of the night.

12. When your boob almost pops out during the YMCA, slide it back in and try to tone it down a little.

13. Listen to the aunts during "Baby Got Back". You'll hear such classic nuggets as "Shake that healthy butt? My butt IS healthy!" *spank* <-- as she spanks herself.

14. Make friends with the bartender. When he sees you enter the bar, he'll start to prepare your beverage and he'll hand it off with a knowing smile. He understands you.

15. But be forewarned that one of the beers might possibly be non-alcoholic. When, after 8, you do not feel the slightest buzz, try a different type of alcohol instead of drinking more and more of that.

16. If you're staying an extra day to attend the family's cabin family fest, stay near the food, stay out of the way, and if any member of the family starts crying for any reason, slowly back away and turn off your ears.

17. If you're going to sneak away into the woods to call your mom, be prepared to nervously watch the grandpa make a 20 minute trek, cane in hand, to the outhouse. Consider helping him.

18. Nothing tops off a 2-day wedding better than singing at the top of your lungs to deafeningly loud Disney songs in the car on the way home. And McDonald's.

19. It is beyond imperative that you stretch before and after a wedding dance. See #20 for the reason.

20. Pulling muscles in the backs of both of your calves makes for very awkward "are you limping?" Monday morning work conversations.