I have been swined.

Well. It got me, folks. The swine reared its ugly head and I was quarantined in my studio apartment for four entire days, without the slightest bit of human interaction. The following was my life for four days.

Note: Graphic.

Wake up to a bloody nose. Shove some Kleenex up my nostril. Clean the inside of my mouth/face of whatever collected in there throughout the night of incomplete sleep, tossing, turning, coughing, and fever dreams. Check my temperature. Put on 10 pounds of clothes if I'm frigid or strip down to shorts and tank top if I'm burning. Amble over to the couch. Put on endless episodes of either Lost or How I Met Your Mother. Groan. Cough. Take some Robitussin. Take some Aspirin. At about 3 or 4 p.m. realize that I haven't eaten or drank anything all day. Sip some water and choke down a little bit of soup. Get another bloody nose. Take care of said bloody nose. Check my temperature. Nap for 45 minutes. Wake up covered in sweat. Go back to the couch. Watch more Lost/HIMYM. Participate in a sterile mail-room exchange of goods from a friend. Wave meekly at friend through window and mouth the words "thank you so much". Collect your items from the floor of the mail room. Go back upstairs. Eat and/or drink a little. Take some more meds. Watch more episodes. Try to brush teeth. Crawl back into bed. Get into a coughing fit whilst lying there trying to fall asleep. Get one more bloodly nose. Sleep. Repeat.

Please try not to get H1N1 people. And if you do, bite the bullet and quarantine yourself like I did. I promise after a few days it starts to feel normal not to be part of civilization...like you have your own sickly little hobbit hole. And when your gone, perhaps your coworkers will give you a shoutout at the end of their podcast: