Hawaii!

I went to Hawaii last week! I really did. Here's every single detail about my entire trip, complete with pictures.

Excerpt from my journal, written in airport on the layover to Hawaii: "Mohalo! And by this time next week I hope to be able to tell you what that actually means. My Guess? Welcome, or something, because 'Aloha' clearly means hi."

(As it turns out, Mohalo means thank you.)

Here is a preview for you.



Ok so before I tell you anything, I need you to know that my hotel was only $62 per night. That's right. $31 for each person a night. SHAZOOM! But it was definitely not that nice. Here is a picture of it. Just know that we didn't spend a lot of time there, minus staying in and watching the Oscars on Sunday night.

Getting to Hawaii wasn't exactly the way I had imagined it. First of all, we definitely did not get lei-ed in the airport. We actually walked around the entire outside of the airport before we found the cab station. We were offered a limo but I opted for a gigantic van instead, which was a bit of a mistake because we got stuck in rush hour traffic thus resulting in a $40 cab ride in which at one point our practically mute driver, while driving, opened the cab door, leaned out the door, and hocked a gigantic loogie right on the road.

We drove by this park along Waikiki Beach, but this shot was taken the next day when it was much more beautiful and wondrous outside. Our cabbie took us through seemingly the worst part of town where everyone who saw us scowled in our general direction and to make matters perfect, it was raining and cold.

Yes, those are old folks doing forward bends.

Let's move on. After finally getting to our hotel, we took a soak in the hot tub (which was to be my only dip in the hot tub for the rest of the trip......foreshadowing!) which made us feel infinitely better and after a dinner of burgers and drinks at Kelly O'Briens we crashed hard, jet lagged and a bit deflated from our horrible cab ride in.

Excerpt from my journal on day one: "Aloha! Ok first thing's first - I'm burned. We spent six hours in the sun today and I covered myself in sunscreen as much as I could but for some reason my right shin is just shot. It's a deep, stinging red. Don't worry I've been globbing on the aloe. I'm just afraid burn will attract more burn though, you know?"

And it did. My stinging body was a reoccurring theme throughout the vacation. Sitting down, standing up, walking, breathing, it all hurt. I'm just a burner. No matter how much 45, zinc, or shade I cover myself in. And I could definitely say goodbye to the hot tub for the rest of the trip. It was like dipping an already-singed limb in the fires of burning hell. But it was worth it because Waikiki Beach is...the...bomb. Observe.





We then hung out at the International Market for a few hours. We walked around the jewelry stands and aggressive women continually pointed out every piece of jewelry to us in their stands saying "This is a bracelet. Yes? Very beautiful. Very nice. You buy." We did buy a little, but the more aggressive they were the quicker I was sure to dodge them, those sly ladies. We then had sushi and macademia nut ice cream (notice the cone says Hawaii) while we watched a four-person Hawaiian band play.



On the way back to the hotel, we picked me up a most essential pair of hiking shoes, as we were going on an adventure the next day.


Before I go on, two quick stories to share with you.

1. I was in the public bathroom at Waikiki Beach taking care of business when all of the sudden a lil' old woman body slams the door to my stall open, thus exposing me on the toilet. She was so shocked to see me in there that she stood there, frozen, terror-stricken and staring at me right in the face. She didn't close the door as she could not move. So I did the only thing I could think of - smile at her. She finally left and I reached forward and held the door closed while I finished.

2. A Japanese teen tried to communicate with my friend Anna and me the beach. (Yes we have the same name, it's adorable.) After about five minutes of miming frantic motions and speaking hurried Japanese to us, we finally realized that he was trying to ask us to go swim with him and his other teens buddies. I declined. But I kicked myself after he left for not saying "arigato". He would have been pleased as punch, I assure you.

Saturday was a fantastic day. We woke up at 6:30 am and got picked up by Tommy's Tours and they took us to Hanauma Bay where we snorkeled the morning away. It blew my mind. Huge fish, some as long as my arm and every color under the sun, swam all around us. The coral was so shallow that we had to suck our stomachs in as we floated over it. I took pictures like a crazy person that has never seen the outdoors before.





After we got our fill at Hanauma Bay, we went to Diamondhead Mountain to go hiking. Everyone said it would take an hour and a half to hike up to the top, but guess how long it took svelte, young Anna and me? You guessed it. 20 minutes. Now will you just look at these views?




That night we grabbed some din din, picked up some gelato, and watched the sunset on Waikiki. Just as we were ambling around the beach we stumbled upon this performance. You probably can't see it, but take my word for it, nary a woman's eyes were straying far from that fella on the left.


Ok if there's one thing I truly will never forget, it was the surfing. We surfed three times there on Waikiki and it was unbelievable. I've surfed in Northern California before but it was freezing and I wore a full body wet suit and it was raining and the waves were humongous. It was still an amazing experience, but super difficult. But in Hawaii, the surf stands guarantee that anyone taking a lesson will catch a wave and they're right. The waves in that part of Hawaii are made for surfing. They gently propel your board forward, you casually raise your body to your knees, then you slowly lift one leg up followed by the other, and you gently glide in towards the sand. It couldn't be easier. And even if someone smashes their board right into your face, there's still a total feeling of calm and irie because everyone is so happy to be there.

Here is the surf stand that we rented from and the cool surf girl rash guards we bought to try to curb some mad board rash.



Ok I need to take you a moment to tell you a story. So the Tommy's Tour guide that drove us to Diamondhead was a hoot and a half, to say the least. She talked our ears off about everything that has to do with Hawaii and Hanauma Bay and right after telling us something logistical like where the bathrooms will be when we get there, she would interrupt by saying "Ok I am going to tell you a story now. Ok so two warriors were in love with the same woman. So she turned herself into a moutain ok so they would not fight and they would always think she is beautiful. Ok then her dad turned into a gecko mountain so he could always watch over her. And there is that mountain" (and she would point).

Monday was rainforest day! If you think I was a picture taking freak at the snorkeling bay, think again, especially since certain scenes of Lost were filmed in this very rainforest. I'm just going to let the pictures do the talking for this one.








And then last but not least, one of our last sweet things we did...whale watching. I wanted to take pictures of the whales but it was too magical to catch on film; I just had to focus on the present moment. But here are some pretty pictures I took along the way. (Notice the name of the boat.)




And that pretty much concludes your picture tour of the vacation! I will just say that it was one of the best vacations I've been on and I would do it again in a heartbeat. It was pretty cheap too, especially with my kick-a hotel deal. Thank you for being a passenger on my tour and to reward you I will leave you with this: