Things here are so dry...

... I'm going through a tube of Burt's Bees a week

... Walking over five feet of carpet to hug my mom goodnight transmits a lightening bolt's worth of electricity

... My throat is coated in sandpaper

... August's pre-storm sticky humidity is sounding mighty fine

... Looking people in the eye for long periods makes my eyes water and thus makes my editors think I fear them

... I had a dream last night I moisturized my face with margarine