There's puppies, and then there's mellow lovely older gentlemen

The only pet I've ever had was a sad little rabbit named Charcoal who lived for an abnormally long time in my parents' computer room. Sometimes he sneezed, but that was about it. I think there was something magic with my house; I neglected several goldfish through my childhood and they managed to hang on for months. But that's neither here nor there.

I want a new best friend to keep me company in these troubling economic times.

I would like the following qualities in a pet:
-Endlessly adorable
-Small enough to cuddle on my lap
-Big enough I won't kill it if I accidentally sit on it
-Hilarious
-Doesn't need to be walked
-Poops in the same place every time
-Isn't noisy
-Elicits joy and jealousy in others
-Isn't a rodent or robot (no birds!)

So, basically, I want a cat. Only one problem: I'm deathly allergic. Back to the critter drawing board.

Last week I went to a work event with a woman from the Humane Society. She brought along a Jack Russell terrier mix named Ethel who manage to break my heart on our 20-minute ride to our destination. She sat in my lap and let me pet her soft fur with nary a whimper or growl, despite being a rescue dog. She reminded me of Wishbone, but with a slight snarl (I think her mama was a pitbull. Or a chihuahua.). I didn't even care that she left short white hairs all over my threads. I was all set to sign the adoption papers right then and there, but when the car ride ended Ethel revealed her true yappity nature. No dice.

But the experience got me to thinking that I should allow Humane Society to end my petlessness. I was browsing their website yesterday and fell in love all over again. His name is Fred and he looks like a lion, but the ad insists he's a mellow dude. In fact, he's exactly my kind of "mellow, lovely older gentleman":

"I am easy going and friendly and may look like a lion, but I am as sweet as a lamb. I'm a couch potato: a relaxed, laid back kind of dog who enjoys long naps, watching movies, curling up on laps and walking very short distances from the couch to the food bowl and back."

Now just look at him:


That squishy feeling in your chest is your heart melting.